February 5, 2001
I would just like to say what shitty "friends" I have. What did I do to deserve being blown off for my other two friends. It really does bother me that I'm always just the "little buddy" and that everyone comes to ME asking for help on trying to get THEM. Well you know what? I'm getting really pissed!!! Some of these guys I happen to like. And it REALLY REALLY hurts knowing that they're interested in my friends - not me - and go after my friends even though they know I'm interested. I do have feelings. I can't help it if I'm fat or ugly. I can't help it if I'm a little flirt. I don't know WHY all these I don't even KNOW can't stand me. That really bugs me though!! I've never tried to be anything but nice to people. I'm tired of getting ditched all the time. No one ever seems to be there for me anymore. Does anyone know how it feels when all you want is your best friend there with you comforting you because you just had a gun pulled on you, and she's out with the guy you like? Yeah.. shitty isn't it? Such is my life.. all my friends act one way around me.. then shit on me behind my back (there is that exception of about 10 individuals that actually seem to care about me) I'm sorry if I've ever offended anybody.. I never meant to. I guess my "friends" don't realize that I am a girl, I have emotions, and I tired of everyone using me as a ragdoll. I had enough of that from Patrick. I'm really SERIOUSLY starting to consider NOT going to Radford. No one seems to miss me or want me there. In fact.. it seems like everyone is just brushing me aside. I don't understand why either. If Blair and Jen ACT like me, THINK like me.. what do THEY have that I don't? Other than their smaller measurements that is? WHAT IT IS THAT'S SO FUCKING WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!??!?!?!?! SOMEONE ANSWER ME GAWDDAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
